I’m just about set to graduate, and while this might be one of the most exciting moments in my life, it’s also one of the most terrifying. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to be free of group projects forever, but I’m scared shitless of entering the real world. To be honest, though, the thing I’m most scared of isn’t failing, but that I will feel like a failure no matter how much I actually accomplish. While I think my resume is pretty extensive, all I have to do is think of people who seem to be doing better than me.  I’ve noticed that throughout internship experiences, no matter how well my supervisor says I’m doing, no matter how much experience I’m gaining, and no matter how many stories I publish, I can’t stop obsessively comparing myself to others in a field similar to mine. This has since translated into never thinking I’ve accomplished enough in my career. So self-destructive, I know.

Obviously, there’s a lot to unpack here, but the root of the problem is the act of putting pressure on myself, something I know a lot of us do, but the fact of the matter is no amount of facemasks and turmeric lattes can fix that habit. While I want to believe that everything I eat and do deems my lifestyle “healthy,” I’m completely neglecting my mental health and my sanity. If you find yourself in this boat, too, know that you’re not alone and from one struggling gal to another, you have done and are doing enough.

I’ve got a lot of work to do when it comes to taking this pressure off of myself, but I finally narrowed down some of the most effective ways to bring yourself peace and to leave yourself alone. Finding ways to validate yourself on a daily basis, often in the smallest ways, can make the biggest difference. Read some of my methods for chilling out when I can’t stop looking at the success of those around me.

Social Media Detox

Firstly, I’ve found social media detoxes to be the most important. I know, it’s somewhat impractical because I bet you found this article through social media, but at the end of the day, everyone needs a break. Let’s be real though, looking at Images of a seemingly perfect life can take a toll, especially if you have a tendency to compare your life to what you see on a screen. To make your time away from social media easier, start out in small increments. Try going one hour without it each day for a week, then up it to two, and then three. I think you’ll notice a difference.

Self-Affirming Meditations

Second, I’ve found that meditating is a massive help (if my mom is reading this — yes, it took months, but I finally came around!). Taking the time to leave your mind blank and just breathe is important, but listening to self-validating meditations take it one step further. Finding self-affirming meditations is as easy as a YouTube search, so there’s honestly no excuses! My favorite is only 5-minutes long but has me repeat the mantra, “May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need,” out loud. Hearing myself say those words reminds me that my habit of pressuring myself will only bring me down and that I need to be my biggest advocate.

Accept the Things You Cannot Change

Something else I think that I, and many of us, can work on is accepting the things we cannot change. The job market isn’t currently super lucrative, and in my job search for my ideal entry-level job, I’d come up with less than five listings. Obviously, I’ve applied to those, but for a while, I was so irritated at the lack of options and thought I should be able to do better. But this is something I have no control over! I do a lot to try and advance my career on my own time, so I have to recognize I’m doing all I can and that in the meantime, I might need to babysit extra and work retail some more, but that it’s no big deal. If I’m doing all I can do and throwing myself into the opportunities I DO have, then I have no reason to be upset because the rest is not in my control. This is a sentiment I know a lot of people need to hear because we often find ourselves hung up on the actions of other people, but if you recognize that something is out of your control, you can release some of that stress. If you’re someone who hates being out of control (myself included), know that you are controlling all that you possibly can and that success comes for people at different times in their lives.

Be Nice to Your Body

Lastly, I find that small forms of self-care can be very comforting. I know I said facemasks and turmeric lattes can’t fix it all, but for me, they’re a way of showing myself that I care about my wellbeing in some form or another. Yeah, I’m not the nicest to my mind, but I’m nice to my body, and that does make me feel good about myself. If these things aren’t your forms of self-love, then implement what makes you happy. For some it’s a regular workout, for some it’s dancing, and for some, it’s as simple as a daily supplement, but recognizing the ways in which you do take care of yourself will give you a deeper appreciation for those acts.

It sucks when you’re your own worst bully, but there are ways to be nice to yourself once more! Take your attention away from others and focus on yourself and all that you’ve accomplished. There will always be someone doing more than you, but don’t let it get under your skin. Focus on what you’re doing, how you’re getting there and letting yourself fail along the way.

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Feature image via Vaness Granda